


would it be enough if i could never give you peace?

by playthetyrants



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Han lets his emotions out I'm proud of him, Love Confessions, Post-Canon, i love pain, set in a hospital, very minor depictions of blood/gore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:21:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25624300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/playthetyrants/pseuds/playthetyrants
Summary: "Are you alright?" he breathes, unable to tear his eyes away from the way her shirt is beginning to stain a deep red. He feels the gun beginning to press in between his shoulder blades, marking him for the same fate as her.She can't even muster up a response at first; that should've clued him in enough to realize that this was worse than he thought."It's nothing," she responds, and Han watches her scramble to push herself up with her free hand to lean against the wall. It's something; the way she's already struggling to breathe properly tells him that much.He's about to contemplate scooping her up and making a (probably unsuccessful) run for it when she points the blaster around his waist and takes a shot at the stormtrooper behind him, and Han swears he has stars in his eyes when he meets her gaze again."I love you," he breathes out, and Leia gives him a weak smile in return."I know."when leia gets shot at the Battle of Endor, it's worse than they thought. han has to grapple with the fact that he might lose her forever.
Relationships: Leia Organa/Han Solo
Comments: 5
Kudos: 48





	would it be enough if i could never give you peace?

**Author's Note:**

> mark your calendars, i came back sooner than i thought i would! 
> 
> if you are like me, you have been OBSESSIVELY listening to the new taylor swift album. one song in particular reminds me han and leia, so i wrote this (not so short) little thing in response. you definitely don't have to listen to the song in order to understand the fic, but i'm sure it would totally help. plus, it's just a really good song. 
> 
> this fic takes place directly after the Battle of Endor in Return of the Jedi! the little *** breaks in the fic mean there's been a switch in POV, and only happens a handful of times between han and luke. it also designates a passage of time in a couple instances! i promise it’ll make sense when you read it 
> 
> the title of this fic comes from the lyrics to the song peace.

Han has his back turned when she gets shot.

He hears her scream, startled but not very loud. It's alarming regardless, and when he whips around to look at Leia he sees her hand fly up towards the top of her arm, near her shoulder. Before she even hits the ground he's flying towards her, abandoning his futile attempts to rewire the door open behind the couple.

Not even the blaster pointed to his back could distract him from Leia's pained face, his eyes darting down to the blood beginning to seep through her white knuckles.

"Are you alright?" he breathes, unable to tear his eyes away from the way her shirt is beginning to stain a deep red. He feels the gun beginning to press in between his shoulder blades, marking him for the same fate as her.

She can't even muster up a response at first; that should've clued him in enough to realize that this was worse than he thought.

"It's nothing," she responds, and Han watches her scramble to push herself up with her free hand to lean against the wall. It's something; the way she's already struggling to breathe properly tells him that much.

He's about to contemplate scooping her up and making a (probably unsuccessful) run for it when she points the blaster around his waist and takes a shot at the stormtrooper behind him, and Han swears he has stars in his eyes when he meets her gaze again.

"I love you," he breathes out, and Leia gives him a weak smile in return.

"I know."

***

Han is pacing; that's all he can focus on right now.

_Right foot forward. Left foot forward. Turn heels. Repeat._

The rhythm is slightly soothing; it gives him something to do. His boots still have mud on them, tracking dirt with each heavy foot fall. His mind fleetingly goes to the droid that's going to have to clean the floors tonight, and then in an instant it's back to his feet. He can't bear to think about anything else, not right now.

_Right foot forward. Left foot forward. Turn heels. Repeat._

Luke is staring at him; he feels the younger man's eyes on the back of his skull. It would be irritating had he been able to focus on more than one thing at once.

He's sitting a few feet away in one of the rows of chairs that are placed throughout the dimly lit room. It's just the two of them, which somehow makes the space seem a million times smaller. Han wants to blame his inability to take a deep breath on that alone.

"It's been too long, she should be out by now." He startles himself with the sudden outburst, not liking the way his voice echoes through the empty space. Again, he feels the space grow even tighter.

Luke's still got that same look on his face when Han looks up; empathetic, pained, tired. He wears his emotions on his sleeve like his sister; as much as they dislike it, they're very easy to read.

"Be patient, Han." He sounds skeptical even as he says it, like he knows that it's the very last thing Han can be. If he's waiting for some smart remark back, it never comes. Han merely turns around and decides to choose a different path to pace, this time counting his steps as he does.

***

Luke isn't sure what he's trying to prove to Han, exactly.

He supposes he owes it to his friend to stay calm; inducing a state of panic right now was the very last thing that needed to happen. He's never seen Han this anxious, this panicked; for God's sake, the man was PACING.

It rolls off of him in waves, and this is one of those few times that Luke wishes he wasn't Force sensitive. The selfish part of him wants to distance himself as far away from Han and this place as possible, but the lingering presence of his sister keeps him grounded in his spot.

Leia's life force is wavering now, a complete contrast to the strong, vibrant energy Luke had always known her to have. It feels like an ocean, ebbing and flowing with a rhythm that makes him almost nauseated. Combined with Han's overwhelming anxiety, Luke feels like he's drowning in the middle of this waiting room.

It's concerning, to say the least. His sister's health isn't nearly as good as he would've hoped, and definitely isn't the condition that Han had left her in when he'd busted through the hospital doors just a couple hours earlier, carrying Leia in a bridal hold with blood gushing from her arm and onto the floor below.

Luke can still see remnants of it now, dried up and flaking against the tile as Han steps over it constantly. He lets his gaze flicker up for a moment, seeing the side of Han's shirt and the edges of his sleeve stained a deep red color, and resists the urge to frown.

The end of the war hasn't even had time to settle on them yet; Luke still feels like he's stuck in some sort of a limbo, his lightsaber resting against the side of his thigh where he sits. He's thankful this little moon had a medical station on it, and he's lucky that there were enough medical staff in the sky above them when he sent out the distress call. Despite it all, and despite the battle that had just ensued, Leia is by far in the worst shape of them all.

It's not fair.

Han feels guilty; that much Luke can tell, even from the cloud of emotions that seems to loom over him. Luke can still hear him scrambling to explain to the staff what had happened, the group of them hovering over Leia and Han refusing to let her go.

" _I had my back turned, she took a blaster shot to the arm, but I think it got her side, too…"_

His knuckles were white, large hands holding onto Leia so tightly that Luke wasn't sure they'd ever be able to get him to let go. He'd stayed back, lingering a few feet away and watched his sister's face drain of color, barely able to keep her head up as it lolled over the side of Han's arm, her eyes struggling to stay open amongst the conversation.

She'd disappeared into the back and hadn't been heard from since.

Outside night creeps near, the sky flooding with a brilliant orange and pink color that momentarily distracts Luke from the situation at hand. It's calming, almost urging him to sit and meditate but he knew he couldn't empty his mind long enough to make it happen.

Han, somehow, has managed to stop pacing long enough to sit down, his long legs bent at the knees and his arms folded over his chest, slouching slightly in his chair. Luke sees his foot bouncing away, the rapid tapping of his heel against the tile getting his attention.

"She'll be okay." _Hopefully._ In the nearly 3 hours they'd been sitting here Luke hasn't noticed a change in her life force, but at least it's still there. He isn't sure he'd ever been able to fill the empty hole she'd leave behind if she did go.

Han doesn't even seem to hear him, hazel eyes staring pointedly at a spot on the floor with furrowed brows. Luke doesn't bother repeating himself, instead copying the older man and leaning against the back of his seat, his body finally beginning to ache with all of the trauma he'd put it through that day.

It's then when the doors open; the person that walks out is a young woman, haphazardly dressed in an offwhite coat and Luke faintly recognizes her face from back at the base.

"She's stable," the woman says, although the unease in her tone is palpable. If Han hears it, he ignores it.

"Can we see her?" Luke's eyes flicker over to see him already standing up, looking almost a foot above this woman in front of him. She gives him an almost pitiful look.

"Yes, but she's asleep." Han looks slightly confused at that for a moment, as if that were supposed to be a bad thing. "She hasn't woken up." The woman pauses then, and Luke can really see how young she is in the face, exhaustion deepening the few lines that are etched into her skin. "She...doesn't really seem to show any signs of waking up right now."

***

 _What the hell does that mean?_ Han's irritability threatens to bubble up to the surface, but he manages to swallow it back down for the sake of the medic in front of him. She looks like a kid, if he's being honest.

"What happened back there?" he presses instead, and the woman seems to relax slightly at that, straightening up a bit.

"We stopped the bleeding pretty quickly, which is good. She'd already lost a lot." Han's heart is pounding somewhere in his throat, making him feel like he's about to start choking all over again. "There was a blaster wound to her arm, but you were right about it grazing her side. Seemed to have clipped a major vessel or something." He hears Luke give a wary sigh behind him.

"She didn't last very long, and lost consciousness while we were bandaging her up. We ran a quick test to check her blood type, but didn't really have much in stock. We gave her all we could." She gives Han another look at that, and he wants to reach over and grab her by the shoulders.

_Was it enough? Do you even know?_

He doesn't; he stands there and waits in silence for her to continue, which she does after a moment. "We tried to wake her back up, but it was useless. Her vitals were still okay, so we made sure she was patched up and put her in a bacta tank for a while."

Luke takes this moment to speak up. "And how much did that help?" If Han's being honest, he'd forgotten the younger man was even there. That's a little fucked up; his twin sister is potentially dying in the backroom, and Han had arguably taken over the entire conversation.

The wave of guilt that sweeps over him then is enough to get him to step back slightly, averting his gaze towards the ground once more.

The medic sighs a bit at that, and Han doesn't have to see her face to know she's hesitant in answering. "It didn't do as much as we wanted. We debated keeping her in longer, but she was already having a hard time breathing and we didn't want to make it worse." _The blast clipped one of her lungs,_ he realizes slowly. If the stormtrooper that had shot her hadn't been dead on the forest floor of Endor somewhere, Han would've stormed out and ripped his head off of his shoulders himself.

"It healed her outer injuries for the most part," she continues. "Her side is still wounded and wrapped up, but it looks a lot better. So does her arm." Han raises his hands almost agitatedly to his eyes, rubbing his fingertips against his eyes harshly, momentarily blacking out his vision. He hears Luke speak again, this time over the blood beginning to pound louder and quicker in his ears.

"She's strong." The statement is definite, certain, true. It sounds almost believable coming from the Jedi's mouth. "I think she just needs some more time." Han lifts his head slightly at that, glancing towards Luke's face for a split second before turning back towards the medic. She has a slight, although extremely weary smile on her lips, nodding a bit.

"She is," the woman replies simply. "The princess is one of the strongest people I've ever met." Han ignores the violent lurch his stomach gives at the sound of Leia's nickname, his brain automatically asking him if he would ever have a chance to call her that again.

"Can we see her?" Han repeats again, and this time he can hear the anxious edge to his voice. He swallows thickly, inhaling a sharp breath through his nose as the woman turns to face him. She can't be more than 18, if he's being honest; her eyes are young, still contain that light in them that only comes with youth. Her curly hair is pulled back and out of her face, dark skin shining with a thin sheen of sweat and she takes a moment to really look at him.

It feels almost intrusive; Han shuffles uncomfortably beneath her gaze but it isn't angry or disapproving, just...sad.

Maybe he was easier to read than he thought.

"Yeah, I can take you two back there."

***

Luke is relieved to be moving again; he didn't have it in him to pace around alongside Han in the waiting room. His legs ache in response to the long stride he takes in order to keep up with the older man, who is busily talking the medic's ear off.

"She's not in pain, is she? I mean, I know she's asleep, but I don't want her to be hurting…" Luke doesn't bother listening to the response, instead taking time in their short journey to glance around the hallway they're walking in. The rooms are empty, but each doorway he passes he sees more doctors and nurses getting things ready. Luke thinks back to the influx of injured that he knows are going to come flooding through the front soon enough; most of them were too busy celebrating the end of the war to get proper care. Most of them had come out relatively unscathed, or at least unscathed enough that it wasn't a major problem.

Well...the ones that had survived. He didn't want to take his sister off of that list.

Leia's room is in the very back, closest to the bacta tanks and an operating room. He pauses a few feet away from the door, watching silently as the woman turns to face the two of them again, this time looking hesitant.

"She looks...well, not the best." Luke knows she doesn't want to say she looks bad, although it's inevitably true. "But I promise she's doing better. Right now, she's able to breathe with the help of a mask. We thought we were going to have to intubate her earlier, but she pulled through."

Luke lets his eyes flicker over towards Han at that, but the older man doesn't flinch. He's as stone faced as ever, his eyes never leaving the medic's face.

She turns her back to them to open the door, careful not to make noise despite Leia's unconsciousness. He understands; there's certain places you just shouldn't be loud in, and hospitals were one of them.

The room is dim, bathed in a deep pink glow from the setting sun outside and he sees the medic reach over and flip on a switch, illuminating the room in a bright fluorescent glow that Luke immediately squints at. Still coming up from behind, he's barely able to take a step into the room before Han freezes in front of him, nearly colliding with his back before stopping himself.

He's silent for a few seconds, his long arms outstretched towards either side of him, large hands holding onto the doorframe. Luke feels trapped for a split second, because technically he is, and he would be bothered by it had he not heard Han's soft, broken voice break the silence.

"Oh, Leia…" Luke sucks in a silent breath at that, pursing his lips slightly before Han is crossing the room immediately, long legs taking him to the side of the bed in a matter of moments. Without the older man in the way Luke can see clearly now, blinking slowly as he begins to take in the scene in front of him.

The doctor was right; Leia looks rough. Luke can see her out of the corner of her eye, taking a step back towards the wall and her white coat threatens to swallow her whole. He wants to make a comment, to thank her for taking care of his twin but he can't seem to make his mouth move now, eyes locked on Leia instead.

She's unconscious, of course, but Luke is calmed if only for a moment by the fact that she just looks like she's asleep. Her face is peaceful, although he can't see parts of it past the large mask placed over her mouth. Her hair is down now, long waves that fall past her shoulders and spread like spilled paint across her white pillow. The wounds and cuts she'd come in with on her face and exposed parts of her arms are gone; if he looks closely he can see the tan material of medical gauze coming from the top of her left shoulder, barely visible from beneath her sleeve. The color that Luke was hoping to see in his sister's cheeks is nowhere to be found, and he finds himself frowning despite everything.

"I'll leave you two alone." He glances up at the medic's voice, gentle and calm. "You can stay as long as you want, we're going to be working with others for the rest of the night. We're just down the hall, call one of us if anything happens." She pauses then, letting her gaze flicker towards Leia for a split second before back at Luke. "I'm sorry."

He's shaking his head immediately, turning his shoulders and walking towards her with his hand extended. "Don't be, you saved her." He manages a genuine smile, although it isn't as big as he wanted but it seems to be enough for her. "Thank you, really. You've all been real heroes today." The comment makes her brighten up a bit and that's enough for him. She shakes his hand back and he waits until the door falls shut behind her to finally muster up enough courage to turn around and look at Han properly for the first time.

He looks dangerously small in the chair beside Leia's bed, which is saying a lot for the six foot tall man. He's leaned against the back of it, sitting up straight and staring at his sister with a mixture of emotions Luke is almost positive he's never seen before, his arms folded over his lap in a way that seems to close him off from the space around him.

Luke doesn't say anything, instead deciding to cut a path towards the other side of her bed, rounding around with slow steps to stand beside her. Up close she looks paler, long eyelashes curled up towards her eyelids and he can see her lips faintly through the cloudy plastic of the oxygen mask. Without thinking, he pulls his glove off of his good hand and reaches down to brush a lock of hair from her forehead, letting his fingertips brush against her surprisingly warm skin for a fleeting moment.

He isn't sure if it's the gesture that sets Han off; he hears the chair scraping against the tile floor before jerking his head up, watching in alarm as his friend suddenly stands again, looking more distressed than Luke had seen him all day.

"I, uh…" Luke frowns at that, watching Han stumble over his words for a moment before he shakes his head and runs a hand through his hair almost agitatedly, his gaze still locked on Leia. "Look, I haven't-she's your sister, you should be the one with her, and I'm just gonna…" HIs voice trails off at that, and Luke watches him turn his head towards the door, staring painfully at it for a second. "I'm gonna go."

It's the break in his voice that clues Luke into what's really going on. He's never seen Han cry once; granted, they haven't known each other for the longest time and frankly, one of them was either in Jedi training or frozen in carbonite for most of it.

Luke crosses the room immediately, looping around the front of Leia's bed and stands in front of Han, tilting his head up slightly to meet his gaze. "Han," he states calmly, keeping a few inches distance between them. "You're going to stay right here, and I'm going to go."

Han frowns immediately at that, furrowing his brow and shaking his head. "Luke, come on." His voice has an edge of desperation to it, and Luke watches him run his fingers through his hair again. "You're her brother, I'm just-"

"Do you know how much she loves you?" He's never been able to effectively cut Han off in conversation before but he does then, rendering the older man speechless for a moment. In a weird sort of way, it's almost satisfying to see. The pilot blinks slowly at his question, as if trying to fully comprehend what he'd asked. "Han, you're everything to her."

If being an empath was a burden most days, the few that were leftover gave Luke some sort of peace. Arguably, being able to tell your twin sister was head over heels in love with someone might've been too much for some people, but nothing made Luke happier than seeing her around Han. She was different, in her own slight ways; the smart comments and loud demeanor never faltered, but the way she looked at him was different from everyone else. It wasn't like it had been much of a secret to begin with; when Han had been captured by Boba Fett Leia was destroyed for months, although she'd never admit it out loud. She'd tried to hide it but Luke knew better; there was no use in hiding feelings from a Jedi, and especially not from one that happened to be your twin brother as well.

With Han still speechless, Luke takes the opportunity to reach out and take his arms, gripping them tightly and steadying him there for a second. "You don't know how much you mean to her, and I can tell how much you care about her. I wouldn't want anyone else staying in here with her than you, because I know you love her too." He half expects Han to blurt out a sudden response to that, insisting that Luke doesn't know what he's talking about but it's useless. Han's face around Leia is an open book, even to someone who isn't Force sensitive like Luke. The way he stares at her is something that even the most gruff and miserable of humans would desire for.

Luke drops his hands and shoulders gently past Han, making a beeline for Leia again and leans down to press a kiss to her forehead, stroking her hair once more before turning around and meeting Han's much softer gaze now.

"I'll take care of her, Luke." The words sound almost poetic, soft and hanging in the air between the two men for a few seconds before disappearing again. It's a statement, a verse, a promise all at once, an unspoken passage of responsibility that Luke is sure Han will never give up on.

His sister will be alright; Han will make sure of that.

Luke gives the man a faint smile and a nod, taking a step back before making his way to the door. "I know you will," he responds simply over his shoulder, stepping out into the hallway and letting the room close behind him.

***

He's uncomfortable.

Han has never been "in touch" with his emotions, whatever that meant, but he could count on one hand the number of times he'd cried in his entire lifetime. And right now, with his throat tight and his eyes stinging, he felt that he was about to add another to the list.

When the door shuts behind Luke he doesn't move for a few seconds, instead taking a moment to inhale a deep breath. The faint beeping of a machine next to Leia's bed is slow enough to sync his rapid heartbeat to, and when he turns around to face her again he's calmer than he's been all afternoon.

She's still asleep, of course; he doesn't like the way the fluorescent lights strip her skin of any color she might have, giving her an almost ghost-like glow. He reaches down and grabs the armrest of the chair beside him and pulls it forward slowly, closing up the space he'd put between the two of them earlier before sitting back down and looking at her once more, pressing his lips together tightly for a moment before speaking.

"Hey, princess." He doesn't expect a response; in all honesty, it might be easier to say all of this without her able to talk at all. Knowing Leia, she'd have more than one smart response to his words, and as much as he would trade anything in the world to hear her stubborn banter again, he was going to take this opportunity and run with it.

Han leans forward slightly so that his elbows are resting on the edge of the mattress, and he carefully folds one hand on top of his other fist and rests his chin delicately on his knuckles, taking in her features for what feels like the millionth time in his life.

_I hope there's a million more._

He could stare at Leia forever, he thinks. Nothing, or no one, had really ever been able to hold his attention until he'd first laid eyes on her all those years back on the Death Star. That memory of her still pops into his head sometimes when he thinks of her, young and defiant in that white dress with a demeanor that rivaled even the most powerful people in the universe. She was a force to be reckoned with, a whirlwind of power that took no prisoners and no survivors unless she wanted them.

And beneath all of that? Still Leia, just...softer.

Han rubs his fingertips over his mouth slowly, still gazing across at her face. "Remember that time you and I stuck out of the base on Hoth?" He hears gentle beeps in response from the machine, and Leia doesn't stir. "We swore we'd never speak about it again, but...here I am."

_Speak up, Leia. Tell me to shut up, refuse that it happened._

"I never thought you'd agree to it, but then suddenly we were tiptoeing past guards like kids to get to the Falcon." He smiles very faintly at that, quick but nevertheless there. "I swore we'd get caught but you were determined to get there, and we did. Not even Chewie knew where we were." He thinks quickly of his friend, wondering idly for a moment what the Wookiee was doing right now. Selflessly helping someone else, he knew that for sure.

Han lets his head fall to the side slightly, the tilt of his neck relieving the tension in it momentarily. "I don't need to go into details, we both know what we did that night." He lets his thumb brush ever so slightly over his lips, the ghost of Leia's own all that time ago. If he closes his eyes, he can still picture it perfectly. "But that night...it's my favorite because it's the first time you told me you loved me."

He feels his throat tighten again instantly, resisting the urge to swallow the lump down. Leia stays motionless, the moisture in her mask from her labored breathing fogging the plastic up rhythmically over and over again, like clockwork.

"You whispered it, so quietly I almost didn't hear it." _Like a call to heaven._ "I never said anything because I didn't know if you meant it or not." He hadn't deserved her love then, and he sure as hell didn't now. Han doesn't think he's ever going to deserve it, for as long as he lives. "I thought I had just imagined it for so long, and then that day I was captured, right before they froze me…" He closes his eyes at that, the memory nearly overwhelming him and he has to tilt his head down for a moment before speaking again. "You said it out loud, and this time you meant it." He inhales a shaky breath, his face still buried in his hands. "I knew you did."

The tears begin to hit his palms like a rainstorm, rampant and sudden against his skin. He abandons all collectiveness about himself and leans forward onto the mattress, folding his arms on top of the blanket before burying his face into the sleeves of his jacket, finally letting out everything he'd been holding in the entire day. He couldn't remember a time where he'd let this happen, let his emotions roll through his body on their own accord and it was _violent._ Any other time he would've been afraid of being heard, but right now he was helpless to his grief. He knew nothing else.

"Leia, baby…" He doesn't even recognize his own voice, thick with tears and trembling with each word. "I love you. I've loved you from the moment I met you, I swear to God." He lifts his head and takes her hand, cold to the touch but just as soft as he remembered, lifting her knuckles to his lips. "I want to be with you for the rest of my life. I can't imagine spending my days with anyone else." He runs his thumb along the inside of her palm, tiny circles that he hopes will somehow start to bring some more life into her.

"I know I'm a pain in the ass, and I know that we argue. One minute we're at each other's throats and the next we're kissing and it just _works._ " He presses his cheek against the top of her hand, feeling more tears beginning to spill onto her knuckles. "Everything works when I'm with you, and I don't ever want to lose that. I'll do anything in the world to make sure I don't."

Her chest rises and falls shakily with each breath, in and out of rhythm and Han sniffles at that, reaching down with a free hand and letting a fingertip trace ever so delicately over her sternum, still covered by her gown and up to her collarbone, always so prominent against her pale skin. "You are perfect, Leia." He presses a kiss into her warm palm. "You're perfect and I don't deserve you, but I think you might just love me back. And this life, it's not easy. We're both a little fucked up, and as long as we're together there's gonna be a lot of tough times but there isn't a damn thing in this world that you can't outlive." Han bites his tongue at that, another onslaught of tears spilling down his cheeks. "Including this."

The sun is gone now; the soft orange hues of the day have disappeared, and Han can see the beginnings of stars starting to flood the night sky outside. He blinks through the rest of his tears to get a closer look, noting the way the trees are silhouetted against them like paintings in a castle, like something Leia would've grown up with back on Alderaan. She's only spoken of her home planet once before; she had just remarked on how beautiful it had been.

He turns his head back to face her, noting the way her hair fell in perfect little waves against the pillowcase. Leia _was_ artwork; always had been, and always would be.

Han brings her hand back up to his lips, clasping it between both of his own. "I want to marry you," he says quietly. "Simple as that. I want to have the dumb little ceremony and exchange vows and give you a ring but most of all I just want you to be happy." _That's all I've ever wanted._ "I don't know if you'd say yes, but I'd like to think you would. I've never been so sure of something in my entire life, and that's the God honest truth."

_Please, Leia._

It's getting increasingly painful; the lack of her voice is almost deafening in a way, and with each moment that passes Han feels his chest ache in response. She hasn't moved once, still laying in the same spot she'd been in when he and Luke had come inside.

"This is me asking, Leia." He sniffles, tries to pull himself together. It doesn't work. "It's not much of a proposal, but it's one all the same. I just need you to wake up and tell me, princess." There's more beeps in response, and Han feels like he might start heaving all over this shiny tile floor. "Just talk to me, baby…" He feels himself standing up without even telling his body what to do, leaning over her and taking her face gently in his hands before pressing wet, gentle kisses all over her face.

"I love you, I love you, I love you…" It's what he's thinking but he isn't sure if those words are actually coming out of his mouth; it sounds like a mixture of gibberish and sobs, fighting the urge to break down all over again. "I know I'm not perfect, but give me a chance. I'll give you the world, and then some."

Another kiss to the forehead. "I'll get you a house, on whatever planet you want."

A kiss to the eyelid. "We'll work for the Rebellion, we'll make sure this war never happens again."

A kiss to the nose. "We can fly around in the Falcon and I'll take you across galaxies and parsecs until you're sick of it."

A kiss to the cheeks. "We can start a family, if that's what you want. If you want one baby or ten of them, we'll make it happen. I promise you that."

Han lifts his face back up after that, his hands trembling slightly as he runs his thumbs over her face delicately.

"Please, princess…" He feels another tear slip down his cheek, falling onto the blanket beneath him. "Just wake up."

***

Sunrise.

Han doesn't even realize he's fallen asleep until the bright light seeps through a crack in his folded arms, lifting his face up abruptly and feeling his head spin in response. He groans a bit, squinting his eyes against the light and quickly turns his body away, tilting it at an angle so it isn't bothering him anymore.

"Fuck," he murmurs, running a hand over his face tiredly before sitting up straight, abandoning his bent over sleeping position against the mattress and feeling his back pop from the movement.

He keeps his eyes closed for a moment, pressing his palm into his eyes before a soft voice breaks the silence beside him.

"Watch your mouth."

Han drops his hand immediately, turning towards the bed and he meets Leia's sleepy but genuine smile in return, her mask halfway pulled down towards her neck. "Only I can say that word."

The rush of emotions that floods through Han in that moment nearly sends him falling out of his chair, leaping up and leaning forward to take her face and kiss her deeply, lifting her head and cradling the back of her neck in what he hopes is a gentle way. Thankfully, Leia responds just as quickly, letting her hand fall to rest against the side of his face before pulling away slightly, giving him a weak grin.

"Sorry," she offers sheepishly, and the pure insanity of it makes Han laugh out loud. "I didn't mean to, you know, pass out like that." He rolls his eyes at that, sitting down on the edge of the bed and letting his hands go from her face.

"It's not like you did it on purpose." Leia raises a skeptical eyebrow at that and then laughs at Han's face; the noise is pure music to his ears. "I'll have to forgive you somehow."

Leia begins to attempt to pull her mask off over her head and Han quickly leans forward to help, lifting her hair up to free it from being caught in the straps. "I guess I'll have to keep making it up to you for the rest of my life," she responds, and Han lets her hair fall back down over her shoulders.

"Yeah?" he murmurs, reaching over and running his hand over her leg gently, the fabric of the blanket smooth against his palm. "Well, I think I've got a solution to both our problems."

Leia gives him a quizzical look, but the amusement never leaves her eyes. Han's heart swells at the way she reaches down with one of her hands and begins to stroke his knuckles with her thumb, matching his movement over her leg. "And what is that?"

Han smiles faintly, tilting his head to the side. "Marry me." He watches Leia's eyes widen at that, her hand suddenly freezing over his own. "Marry me and all of this will be forgiven."

It takes a few moments, but the grin that spreads across Leia's face is worth every single passing second.

"Deal."

**Author's Note:**

> angst with a happy ending is just...its so good. it hits DIFFERENTLY. 
> 
> i hope y'all enjoyed! hopefully i can post more short things like this in the future! i've started on another large project (completely new idea, not a sequel to anything) but i have no idea when or if that'll ever be posted. don't lose hope, though! i will try my best to give you guys some new content! 
> 
> as always, leave comments/kudos if you liked it. i love any and all feedback! :) -natalie


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